LAYERS OF TRAUMA ARE LIKE ONIONS…THE MORE YOU PEEL, THE MORE TEARS FLOW

🌸My Beautiful Souls,

💟Let your heart be filled with gratitude as you find your sense of space, balance, and harmony on this gorgeous day! A warm or iced cup of freshly perked java or latte is always helpful! Breaking for lunch for down time to immerse ourselves in hobbies or squeeze in a work out for the day can be more than stressful if on the clock, so making space for our hearts and minds to connect is significant in any venue. Meditating, yoga, or practicing mindful breathing are some ways to enter into a blissful state of mind. Reflecting on thoughts that feel good, are energizing, and positive can bring your energy levels up from low to high, your blood pressure down significantly, and detach negative thoughts from entering into the barriers placed by YOU psychologically and emotionally. What a magnificent day to let go and feel God’s presence, love, and peaceful tranquility from inside out.🌟 I’m ready. Are you?😎

🚴After getting hit recently, this time while cycling, my brain seems to have taken on new nightmares, sleep deprivation, pain, anger, and a continued “cycle” of thinking and reflecting about the “accident.” How many of you can’t stop the angst of accidents and traumas you have experienced from years past? It’s anguishing if not exhausting and emotionally draining. Yet, I know I have to release myself or I will lose myself again in this tormenting nightmare. Although, I have decided my next patent will be a cast for broken ribs and torn cartilage.
Since my brain has already been plagued by two TBIs, the filters that protect it from outside forces or vice versa have been damaged. It may be that those with healthy brains don’t have such challenges with these types of collisions, yet I find it so destructive emotionally and psychologically. The physical, social, and spiritual challenges are channeled from lack of sleep, medications, and uprooted trauma, as trauma equals trauma regardless how small the incident. Our brains tend to think we are again being attacked and spur up memories from the past that have yet to be healed and neutralized. Any type of trauma is debilitating. The scars left behind are pushed down so far, sometimes we may have forgotten they even happened due to dissociation or memory block. I know my brain did, and I know some of yours have probably shifted to a layer underneath the radar if not properly resolved. It happens for many of us. No one is immune.

🌻The Good News, any changes, loss, tragedy, or trauma does NOT have to make us victims. Others can shake you, stir you, disappoint you, and try to break you, but they can’t prevent you from rising like air. They can’t discourage you from taking your circumstances, shifting the control to YOU, and with swift discernment, stepping forward to remove yourself from the condition you are/were in. When you are in control, life has a way of shifting to your advantage. The universe is a star saver and flickers you with so much stardust you truly do start to shine its glow…🌟

💔As with all things, our choices include healing who we are at our deepest level. There are layers and layers of painful psychological healing that must take place, however, before we can even manage baby steps to the door of the magic zone. Each layer, says Steve Kessler, MFT, EFT, explains when the layer below doesn’t repair itself and moves to the next layer while still broken, this next layer cannot fully conquer the psychological and emotional challenges either, due to its repair boundaries and those the bottom layer did not fix. The unresolved issues usually float to the top, where we perceive our own flaws from past experiences. We “think” if we fix these problems, we will be fine. Not true at all! What we are looking at is the top of the glacier instead of underneath, where all the damage has been done to YOU and ME. And, when we are unable to heal ourselves from the visible damage, we become disillusioned.

Here are the four complex layers of defense, Mr. Kessler, has deemed critical from simplest to more difficult.

4. trauma + self-negation –> self-defeating behavior

3. trauma + numbing habit –> addiction

2. big or repeated hurts –> defense is ego syntonic –> trauma

1. an isolated hurt –> defense is ego dystonic –> phobia

  1. Layer One – Phobias: A woman drives on the freeway to work and back daily with no problem until one day she gets on the freeway and becomes extremely anxious. She is confused by her response. She decides to ignore it, yet chooses to drive on country roads now instead of the freeways. This is known as ‘ego dystonic.’

  2. Layer Two – Trauma: “The next, more complicated level is what we typically call trauma. Here the wounding incidents are so big and/or repeated that they have re-organized the person’s relationship with the world. The person’s whole life may now be organized around making sure ‘that’ never happens again. And they feel justified in feeling the way they do; the feeling is ‘ego syntonic’. If they have been coping with this wound for a long time, it usually has become an identity structure, so that now they identify themselves by referring to it, as in “I’m an incest survivor” or “I’m an adult child of an alcoholic.”

  3. Layer Three – Addiction: “At the third level, the level of addiction, we have all the trauma and defenses of the second level, but they are now buried under an additional layer of defense, an habitual behavior that serves to numb the person to the pain and anxiety of the core trauma. Here, the person’s solution to the underlying problem has itself become a problem. Usually, people come for help with stopping the addictive behavior, completely unaware that it is their medicine for a deeper wound, and that we must heal that deeper wound to really cure the addiction. This extra layer of defenses makes the healing process that much more complicated. In addition to healing the original core wound and the feelings, beliefs and identity arising from it, the addictive behavior itself must be addressed.

  4. Layer Four – Self Defeating Behaviors: “The numbing agent may be anything. Some of the favorites are alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, money, success, and popularity, but any substance or activity can be used, as long as it works well enough to dull the feelings from the trauma. However, all addictive behavior is ultimately unsuccessful because “You can never get enough of what you don’t really want.” If what you really want is to feel loved, there is no substitute that will give you that feeling. If what you really want is healing for the original hurt, there is no amount of anesthesia that will work. Sooner or later, the numbness wears off and the hurt returns.”

🔎Finding our way back isn’t easy. No, it’s hard work. And, sometimes we have to go back and refill our fountains again with more love, joy, peace, and tranquility because someone has come along and broken one’s vessel without empathy, compassion, or human dignity. It is challenging going backwards when we are suppose to be going forwards. Yet, small traumas reveal in us unfinished business. And, that my sweet gems is an eye opener worthy of hard work and gentle repairs…🧰 Don’t ever underestimate the resiliency of the human spirit. It is by far a work of art that is worthy of our precious time and love…💖😍

🥰No matter where you are in life, no matter what your plight, you always have a choice, a voice, a place to start over even if its with nothing. Because, that’s when you notice God is everything you ever needed in the first place.👑 Choose YOU, choose POWER, and choose LIFE! Make it a day of glow Peeps!✨ Namaste…xoxox

In Love and Light,💫

Kimberly Lees

letyourlightshineon.org

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