Good Day my little pumpkins!
What a great day to be alive! The blessings in our ordinary lives are gifts we sometimes don’t comprehend because they go unnoticed, are invisible to the eyes, yet so magnificent to the heart. Extraordinary spiritual energy sources that unveil themselves to others are what we offer as nurturing souls. We might share them with each other on auto pilot, yet not realize we have done so because it is part of who we are internally.
Some people’s lights burn brighter than others because we are ’empaths’ and feel the weight of pain of those around us. Thus, we feel it is our intuitive obligation to shine our passion of holistic healing, whether through life coaching, counseling, care taking, and therapeutic writing to assist those whose light has dimmed.
The power of writing can take shape in many forms like blogging, personal journaling, and/or clinical logs of emotional highs and lows for when we become sick, face tragedies, financial disasters, and the realization of betrayal and being violated. Even those closest to us whose personalities are dysfunctional can reek havoc on our harmonic rhythm because we are in a continuous cycle of countering the “hits” of malicious manipulative behaviors and twisted mind games that are hoping for a reactive response. Nothing could be more draining nor exhaustive than this.
Empaths are advocates at a supercharged level who intuitively feel and experience the emotional pain and dark energy you have and take this extraordinary energy on themselves with zest. What is key to note about empaths is they are steadfast friends, can “see” right through you and your circumstances, extremely intuitive, and have a high emotional intelligence. They will, thus, take on the fight for those whom are voiceless, homeless, abused, assaulted, and/or have been through trauma. This, of course, can be destructive, and empaths don’t always do well at setting healthy boundaries. Because of this, they become overwhelmed, drained of energy, and will default to a place of tranquility, where bodies of water offer peace and quiet meditation. Even with all of that said, some days, we tend to wonder if we have given our best to reach our goals in bringing positivity or glow at all to those around us.
Joy tends to come in the morning for those who wait and suffered in darkness from the long restless night. Light is our hope for a better day. God is our refuge, and shelters us when we look to Him for grace and mercy. He alone will crush the head of the serpent who seeks harm upon His children. And yet, trauma alone can be significant all by itself, because we feel so alone by the single blow of what has happened “to us.” Even though we are no longer being threatened, our brains tell us otherwise. Whether it is physical, and our abuse is evident by the bruises, attacks, and brokenness of our bodies, or emotional, where we suffer in silence because the invisible reality of our torment goes unnoticed, we have all arrived at the same place due to some form of trauma.
Signs of Trauma
The fact we may feel unsafe, threatened, vulnerable, and unable to escape from this complex chain reaction is a huge sign of trauma regardless of how we got there. What’s even more disturbing is these confused feelings tend to reduce us as human beings to a place of unworthiness, shame, guilt, and fear. We feel different from whom we were before the trauma. Somehow we’ve lost a piece of ourselves while trying to save our sanity. We become angry, riddled with anxiety, and a life filled with turmoil and confusion. We tend to lash out at those individuals who may have harmed us under the radar, as well as our family, friends, and significant others. And, we don’t know why we have uncontrollable emotional outbursts. We never did before. Where did all this anger come from? And, why is isolation our social dilemma when we were always part of a social group, having fun and fostering a playful environment?
We have become raw and unplugged from reality, and fail to see why others can’t understand our pain. People tend to view us as if we have become emotionally deranged, mentally ill, hypersensitive, and enraged by small minutia, that when triggered, is explosive.
Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has become part of our reality, even though we didn’t ask for it and don’t understand it either. We are confused by its nightmares, emotional outbursts, fear, anxiety, and relentless state of mind. It controls so much of what we focus on and has become the infrastructure of our minds, souls, and emotional insanity.
Thus, we tend to cling to what we know best and stay close to home in isolation. This is where we begin to question everything about ourselves, what we did wrong, what we could have done better, and begin the cycle of negative self-talk. And, although it seems that those in trauma are empty meaningless souls due to insurmountable negativity they continue to express, the truth is, these beloved souls are sending out symptomatic messages that long for safety, trust, empathy, compassion, and love. Isn’t that what everyone wants in the end?
How do YOU Perceive Trauma Victims?
People whom have never tasted trauma nor experienced its afterglow cannot effectively deal with those who have, unless they have been trained. They do not understand the emotional pain and passion that spews forth from a trauma victim when decisions are made against ensuring their safety.
Instead of being proactive change agents, many community, county and state individuals lack for-profit and non-profit involvement, whereby no ones engages actively to ensure a safe environment for those disabled, abused, traumatized, and from domestic violence. This adds insult to injury. Furthermore, if we do get angry and upset over the negative outcomes, we are called overreacting or hypersensitive because our voices are raised in anger. They wonder why we would be so upset over such a minute outcome. Yet, those who haven’t been through trauma do not want you to feel angry. But, apparently it’s fine that we suffered the pain and agony for months or years by those who harmed us.
Instead, they believe we are acting like victims, wanting their pity. Not so! Truth be told, we are releasing our feelings of anger, sadness, and pain because we have been discriminated against all over again. Once more, we are not worthy enough or valued with dignity to bring about a safe harbor so those whom have been harmed can feel safe. Why is that? I don’t know. I continue to question people’s priorities in life and on committees who choose the status quo. They say for change to happen, it takes on a political challenge. And, yet, it takes only one person to step up to make change happen. It seems the problem starts with each one of us. So I ask, “Why are people so afraid to stand up for something that’s good, right, and ethical?” Because, sometimes, it means standing up alone.
When people can’t look at themselves first in the mirror to fix their own issues before pointing a finger at other people’s flaws, one must take a step back to look at the bigger picture. We should question those who see us through small-minded blinders. We should ask how much research these individuals have done on trauma victims? What amount of time have they devoted with trauma clients to learn about their behaviors, ways they communicate, and ways of knowing? Have these people dug deep into what trauma clients have gone through, the pain and suffering, and their daily existence at home, in the hospital, or in shelters? We must learn why ignorant people judge us so swiftly without compassion or empathy? What is it about us that truly bothers them so much whereby they can make snap decisions without even meeting or consulting with us, or even walking a day in our shoes? Maybe it is they who are struggling with their own lack of knowledge in how to convey empathy, compassion, and love to those who deserve and require it for healing and recovery. Maybe it has nothing to do with us at all. Maybe it says everything about them and nothing about us.
We must continue to seek ways to celebrate ourselves and shine a light on our accomplishments, as small or fragile as they are. For in doing so, we are manifesting health, well-being, nourishment, peace of mind, family, friends, and those trusted souls who, like a fountain, continue to fill us up with love, light, and positive energy. This should be our greatest focus each and every day when we rise up to greet the morning. Blessings of gratefulness can not be overstated. They come in tiny packages, gifts of the present. Some are invisible and some are not. We should always give thanks to people for their services of love, friendships, comradery, companionship, partnerships, and for those serving as our caretakers. They give so much to our lives to make it plentiful and robust.
Where we focus, our energies influence how our minds respond to our present circumstances. If we believe we are in trauma, conflict, drama, or suffering, the self-sabotage cycle in our minds continues to channel a constant negative image reflecting behaviors of shame, guilt, failure, and depression. We are our own worst enemy when it comes to beating ourselves up. This is due, in part, to our own self-awareness that we are different from the rest of the world. We automatically have become fearful of others, especially if our pain is visible to the eye.
When we have emotional scars, our minds have disconnected in ways that leave us feeling separated by those who deny our pain, so we detach from the mainstream and become isolated and alone. We are far more critical of ourselves because we can no longer ‘fit in’ and we don’t know why. So we remain seduced as a victim of our own making without knowing how we got there in the first place.
The brain is truly our safety vest while we swim in murky waters trying to salvage our own sanity. Yet, if we would put more value and energy in building ourselves up, our lifetime achievements, our daily accomplishments, and celebrate those small but significant strides, how much more inspiring it would be when we looked in the mirror. Instead of seeing our failures, we would see the magnificent stars of grace, beauty, light, and love… This is when our effervescence shimmers from our spiritual soul and deems us worthy of the most highest crown of jewels…
We should try not to see ourselves through other people’s eyes, for that does not reflect the truth of who we are. We must see ourselves for who we are through OUR own eyes. We can not live for someone else, nor for their happiness. Our happiness depends on loving ourselves for who we are, right where we are, as we are.
Compassion is one of our best friends. Compassion means “to suffer together” (greatergood.berkeley.edu). It happens when you collide with another who is suffering and you feel the need to respond to assist the person in removing him/her from the situation.
Compassion is different from empathy or altruism because compassion takes action for the person suffering. Whereas, empathy offers feelings of those to comfort a person suffering, yet doesn’t feel the need for action to help a person out of their suffering. And, altruism, can be selfless and caring, and also feel compassion for one suffering, yet one may not feel motivated to act on these prompts either.
When we feel compassion for another, there is a biological factor that takes place in out brains that manifests our involvement with people in need. Our hearts slow down, oxytocin is secreted, which is a hormone for bonding with others, and we elicit a desire to care, assist, and support those who are suffering. The reward of doing so is pleasurable in return. It is a selfless act of humanitarianism, whereby we do not expect anything as payment for our services rendered.
Brené Brown purports, “Compassion boosts your mood – and soothes others, too! When times are tough and life gets rough, it would seem normal to focus on ourselves. However, study after study shows that when we put our ‘compassion gene’ to work we get through tough times easier, feel more peaceful and help others along the way.
Compassion is a natural human instinct that is essential to a healthy and happy life. It connects us to others, enhances our health and wellbeing. It does not require belief in a religion – but it is a sort of spiritual practice.”
In a sense, we innately have a “gene” that brings us to bond with others to assist in theirs and our healing and recovery. We are social beings and need each other, especially when trauma strikes at the forefront of our lives. You see it daily during natural disasters, people seeking out others for assistance, longing to be with loved ones, medical people for trauma care, triage, family and friends.
At our inner most being, there is a fountain of compassion that rises to our most insatiable center where we rise to the occasion to heal the suffering and allow those suffering to trust in those bringing supplies, food, shelter, and medicine to keep them safe from harm. This is how we build healthy relationships. Not just from saving people who need it, but in saving ourselves. Within every person is the need to generate a healthy relationship, and in doing so requires compassion.
Relationships can “fit” together like a puzzle if all the pieces are available. That doesn’t mean the puzzle pieces haven’t been worn out, used, broken, pushed into spaces they weren’t meant to be in, stepped on, torn, lost, and/or misplaced in another box. It just means relationships come with baggage, some lighter than others.
We ask people to clean up their past before stepping into a relationship. What does that mean exactly?
Our baggage made us who we are. It molded us, refined us, helped us grow, break, and rise again. It allowed us to stretch in places we thought we had no elasticity to do so. It brought us to our knees a couple of times, put us in darkness, yet strangely enough, it gently redefined the resiliency of the human spirit making us epic warriors. We fight for magnificent causes of social justice, equality in pay, gender, race, ethnicity, education, democracy, human dignity, and a globally safe and environmentally conscious world. And, it all started with compassion and self-love.
Sharing vulnerability, digging deeper, and wanting to be who we are with that one person is about letting go and trusting another with our hearts. Regardless of our past, we have as humans the capacity to want to share the path with another human being and connect heart to soul. It is a healthy way of bonding to one another. Keeping stress and emotional issues low keyed through a series of responsible, safe, and trusting communication. This is how healthy relationships stay remarkably balanced. Compassion plays a key role in learning how to love ourselves, feel safe in the environment, trust ourselves, be authentic, trust others, and be able to find intimacy with another.
Compassion for others means compassion for self.
Having a relationship is sharing love. It is selfless giving. Yet, trauma victims have a difficult time accepting love because the only love they have known is conditional. It came with expectations, beatings, abuse, and a denial of food, socialization, or gifts. Using compassion to treat trauma is helping victims see themselves through the eyes of love, because they are love, pure and simple. Compassion gives them the tools to remove past barriers in order to heal at a deeper level. Negative self-talk is replaced with positivity tapes, meditation, and other streamlined holistic tools, such as nutritional diets, simple fitness routines, quality sleep, engaging social outings, new ways of knowing, and therapeutic writing.
Having a disregard of self-love is just one of the caveats of a trauma victim. With this comes a fear of authenticity. Trying to be authentic in the world after being abused, assaulted, or with PTSD, is like trying to put a porcupine in a box with a skunk. The best they can do is put their guards up and let loose of their only survival mechanisms. Victims of trauma are resilient creatures, yet are fearful of others and have every right to these feelings. Something was done “to them” without their permission. They were violated, mistreated, and/or lived through a series of incidents that were horrific to the brain, body, and/or emotional health.
Thus, they are looking for safety before they can feel vulnerable or authentic with another human being. Most individuals growing up in a healthy environment at home already know this type of connection, vulnerability, and authenticity. Yet, when trying to recreate a safe climate for those whom have suffered trauma, it’s important to find where they feel most authentic and vulnerable. Is it the beach, a friend’s home, a church, or somewhere else? Where do you feel most comfortable to be yourself and open up with courage?
Those with trauma need to learn how to have compassion for themselves. This is a critical step. They will realize that shame and guilt cannot live while compassion serves them. Shame and guilt were part of the false pretenses they survived on for so many years. It was their mental nourishment as such. It claimed them like chains around their feet and kept them trapped in the prison of continuous blame.
We blamed ourselves for everything.
Our parent’s divorce, their cruelty, narcissistic behaviors, abuse, lies, manipulations, our friendships and their bad behaviors and mistreatment of us, our divorce, the lies, the miscarriage, the infidelity, the unethical supervisors, their bad behaviors, and the list goes on. And yet, we continued to work hard, play by the rules, do other people’s work because we always did such a good job, but were never promoted, never got a pay increase, and were usually passed by when a job did become available. We deserve to blame ourselves…Right? WRONG!!!
In truth, we are NOT responsible for what happened to us. We are NOT guilty or to blame for anything that was “done to us”. It was what it was. We are truly remarkable!! We are a fire of magnificent beauty! The sparkle is so epic no one can deny the magnitude of its glow. Having compassion for ourselves changes everything! Because, with compassion brings about self-love. And, there is no room for guilt and shame inside of us, because compassion and self-love suffocate them when inhaling.
Only genuine, pure love can transform your life to one of glow… It raises your spiritual energy algorithm to new heights that manifests a breaking of barriers, glass ceilings, and reduces chains into thin air. It heightens one’s awareness of self-consciousness and changes the pulse of your awakening. Being able to see yourself in the light is a beautiful thing. Accepting who you are, right where you are is the gift of a lifetime.
Taking the time for self-care is an important piece of the puzzle. Exploring those important aspects of what makes YOU happy, brings positivity to your day, and seeks only the best in you are critical components to finding yourself. Like-minded individuals should gravitate towards you with high emotional intelligence. Those individuals who surround you with love, support, and encouragement, serve you with laughter, and open you as a gift everyday. They will uncover the manifested you as time moves forward. You will find yourself being liberated into the “new” YOU at your own pace, at your own time. Finding those safe places to continue your journey forward is a path worth seeking… Always CELEBRATE YOU!!
If you need a hand to hold tonight, I am here for you. Make today a “Golden” day of compassion sweet souls. Happy Fall to all. May it bring you blessings, joy, blissful magic, and a week of loving abundance…
In Light and Love,