?My Beautiful Souls,
?Happy Lunar New Year 2020 Everybodeee!? Maybe a day late and a dollar short!? With January already in full swing, it is important to get the year started off with grace, love, and light. Timing is everything, whether it be nurturing new relationships, discovering healthy boundaries, self-love, and/or letting go of toxic people so positivity can gravitate toward you in energized proximity. Glowing into the New Year 2020 is a choice of epic proportions! We have numerous ways in which to lean in toward our goals, dreams, and chosen personal transitions…!? It’s like starting over. A new year, a new decade, a new month, a new YOU!
Some of us like to cling to the status quo like glad wrap, not wanting to move an inch from our comfort zones. In doing so, we neglect to grow and evolve into our greatest potential. This can be debilitating psychologically, emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually. Being stagnant is holistically toxic to our bodies because it leaves no room for light to enter in and capture our true essence. You see, we are made of pure energy that is meant to expand and generate an abundance of vibration. Its powerful surge spreads like lightening bolts in rhythmic vibrato. Particles of cosmic light flows through us from the universe daily. Even so, we still must choose to transfer energy into motion in order to propel our neurons, cells, muscles, heart, and other organs to function at a higher capacity so they remain healthy, limber, stress free, and fit. Realizing how our bodies, minds, and souls are interconnected should hopefully make us want to be more cognizant of the dynamics that are integral in leading a healthy and fit lifestyle in 2020.
Beginning anew for 2020 can be interpreted in various ways by all walks of life. Some individuals list resolutions as their starting point. This allows for goal setting and creating an action plan that is uniquely designed to be successful over the course of the determined time line for reaching coveted objectives. These resolutions can range from developing self-confidence and self-esteem, learning how to deal and neutralize conflict when communicating, how to find time for oneself when stressed to the limit, to how to heal and let go of past pain and suffering through solitude, meditation, and channeled renewal.
Winter is a time of restoration. It’s a season of leaning into oneself; listening to ourselves and how we talk to our bodies, how we engage or disengage with others, what we nourish our bodies with for energy and sustenance, and how we view ourselves in the mirror. The perceptions of who we are manifest our self-worth, self-esteem, and the values we put in place for partners, nurtured relationships, and how we choose to let others treat us. With self-love we invest in ourselves to find our center core of peace, light, and love. Self-confidence is an anchor, yet self-love is the inner light that grounds us in the knowledge of self. It radiates our glow, fosters trust in our decisions, releases us from the prison of shame and guilt, and transforms our mindset to one of worthiness, power, and grace. Self-love transforms our divine spirit, determines our sacred standards, true values, moral compass, meaningful purpose and driven passion for our lives.
When we trust ourselves, we leave self-doubt behind and learn how to say “no.” We do so to protect our mental and physical health because it is impossible to say yes to everyone when our own lives are filled to capacity. We should be cautious not to extend ourselves beyond our boundaries to those who may “use” us as enablers. There are also toxic individuals who use control and manipulate us into believing lies. This is abusive behavior and should not be tolerated. Removing yourself from their space and keeping them outside the perimeter of your boundaries is key for creating a space of of tranquility and safety. Creating permeable boundaries for our personal and professional lives allows us to be inclusive of those individuals who bring positivity, joy, and spiritual energy from which to jump start our own inner glow. Those same boundaries can also be used to close individuals out who are toxic and suck the light from within us.
It is important to remember we can’t control anyone but ourselves. The best way to make change happen in any relationship is to change ourselves. “Change is inevitable, growth is optional,” writes John C. Maxwell. Change is the unknown. It invokes fear, stress, and overwhelming anxiety because it shakes up the status quo we are habitually bound by. Our sense of routine being disrupted can trigger a host of emotions causing unpredictability, lack of clarity, uncertainty, and distrust. Of course, for those who dislike change, we try to resist it, ignore it, become passive aggressive towards it, and refuse to accept it. Those who embrace change enjoy the challenge of change. We learn from it, bloom from its lessons, glean knowledge to teach from it, and evolve as eloquently as our minds embrace it. Being a change agent is a soul of driven passion for accessing creativity at its highest potential. People who want to grow and evolve are always aspiring and inspiring others to be their best. When we change with people of like minds, they too will be inclined to change to accommodate our new behaviors because they embody a healthy attitude toward change. Having a mindset of change is unlimited. It challenges you to be adaptable in the way you think, work, create, and resolve conflict in personal and professional relationships. It is open to the unimaginable! Imagine the possibilities with change in your pursuit of the magic zone!?
?Change is a beautiful thing. We are always evolving into the most beautiful creation of who we are meant to be. Our minds are creating our reality as we think. So, as we choose our boundaries, it’s fundamental to glean knowledge about ourselves in terms of our priorities, values, standards, and principles so we are grounded in who we are and what we believe in. In this way we can schedule blocks of time for ourselves, our partners, children, extended family, and friends. Participating in extracurricular activities, organizations, nonprofits, and personal interests is where time becomes minimum. There never seems to be enough time to go around. Even so, we need to have clear boundaries for ourselves so others know where we stand when they ask us for favors, commitments, and/or requests. Saying “no” to a request is not a negative response on our part. It is actually a positive gesture in knowing our personal limitations and accepting them so we can maintain a life without worrisome regrets. How people react to our response is not our responsibility. How we respond to it is. Our response should be kind, short, and succinct without apologies. We don’t need to justify our reasons for not accepting a request. People should not expect others to always accept their invites. Expectations are a formula for disaster. Despite what others might think, especially for those whom have struggled with trauma or abuse, we must protect our own interests first. One’s mental, physical, social, and spiritual well being can not be over stated! YOU are the most important person…! Self-love means ensuring you have self-care first and foremost. Never underestimate the essence of who you are ever.
When nurturing new and ongoing relationships during your quest for healthy boundaries during the New Year, it is always a great idea to connect with yourself first and realize what makes YOU happy. What do you find in your life that brings you the greatest joy? What is your passion? How much “me” time do you need to feel great about yourself without feeling smothered? How do friends ignite your glow? What does regular fitness and/or outdoor activities offer you? What kind of diet keeps you at your best? What are your deal breakers in relationships? These and other questions are important when determining who you let into your space and who you let out. People who gravitate toward your like-minded approach in wanting to live a holistic life are those you want in your circle. They will want to know what makes you happy, how to push you to your greatest potential, keep you positive, healthy, joyful, and will communicate openly, honestly, and gently.
?Dr. Barton Goldsmith has come up with ten golden ways for emotional fitness in nurturing relationships. To keep relationships at their best or beginning anew with like-minded souls, we truly need to make it a daily effort in rising to the occasion in thinking of our special partner when making decisions, plans, and scheduling important activities and events. Our behaviors, attitudes, and mindsets will always impact our partners, whether we know it or not. Seeking relationships can be complicated if we do not know how to manifest healthy partners before we meet them. And, once we have them, we truly need to learn the art of stretching one’s heart, letting our guards down, and jumping in with both feet. Until we become truly vulnerable, we will never know what being “in love” feels like, looks like, or behaves like in reality.
- Kind, constant, and honest communication. Without talking, your relationship will not survive. The more you communicate, the closer you will be.
- The willingness to work through difficulties and disagreements. Throwing in the towel, even if you don’t walk out the door, is not the path to happiness. You must face the discomfort that comes with differing opinions and ideas.
- A sense of humor, some fun, and a bit of distraction from the rigors of daily life. You can’t spend all your free time “working” on your relationship—don’t make it a hobby. Discuss what you like to do, where you’d like to go, and how you both like to have fun. Then go do it.
- Sharing life lessons with the one you love. When you discover something about life, or you make a self-correcting move that is healthy for your relationship, let your partner know. You’ll be surprised by the positive response.
- Emotional support, validation, and compliments. If you don’t feel that your partner likes and respects you, there will not be a strong connection. You have to lift each other up and let each other know the depth of your caring.
- Love, intimacy, romance, and sex. These are the cornerstones of a loving relationship. Being great roommates just won’t cut it. There has to be the desire to be together as a couple. You may think the spark has gone, but there are too many ways to rekindle it. All you have to do is try.
- Sharing goals and dreams that resonate with both of you. We are happier when we are working toward a goal than when we have achieved one. Make sure you always have something to look forward to and that you are pursuing it as a couple.
- Compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness. These will show you the way through a difficult time. If you are together for a while, there will be losses, challenges, and some things that you just can’t fix. Weathering the storms together is a big part of what relationships are all about.
- A mutual desire to step outside the box. The tried-and-true is good, but the never- attempted-before may be better. Couples who share new experiences together develop a stronger bond.
- Being able to admit mistakes and to talk about them. We all screw up. Learning to understand and let go of mistakes that you or your partner make will turn your life around and give you more time for joy.
?If you have never been emotionally available due to past traumas or abuse, because you have chosen to be guarded and fearful of trusting others, were abandoned, or neglected as a child, please know there are treatments to assist in your recovery from these horrific horrors done to you. You can be healed from these past events. Only you can decide if you want to heal and recover. There is life after trauma and abuse. Do not let your past dictate your future. Shannon Thomas, LCSW has written an exceptional book called, “Healing from Hidden Abuse,” which outlines stages of healing and recovery from covert psychological abuse and trauma. Our brains can be rewired, stripped of the old twisted tapes, and renewed with pure, admirable, and loving tapes. Because God has made us perfect in His image and YOU are ENOUGH!! You have the spark of God inside of you shining a glow so brightly. There is no darkness that can contain you. Allow yourself to be set free…?
?My wish this year is for everyone to find their spiritual glow so others can bask in its glory. Be willing to lean in to self-love, embracing all your perfect imperfections. Our soul’s broken pieces of glass will not shimmer until we honor who we are and give ourselves permission to shine on…so others can do the same.? Only we can choose to let go of the pain, the guilt and shame before we ever move forward physically, mentally, socially or spiritually. God cannot give us what we truly are meant to have until we let go of the junk that keeps us “stuck” where we are. It is a cosmic fantasy to think we are in control of our lives, because God can turn it upside down in the blink of an eye. We should take great heed to comprehend what our traumas teach us. There is a reason for everything that happens in our lives although we do not understand it. Healing and recovery is a choice we make to become whole again. My prayer is the New Year 2020 will bring a greater understanding and body of research for people with trauma or abuse so that living in the glow will be that much brighter, safer, loving, trusting, healing, forgiving, joyful, and deserving of those who desire a glory filled life.
?If you feel the need to talk or would like to make an action plan with me for the New Year, please contact me. I would be happy to work with you one-on-one and offer ways to make your goals for the New Year 2020 a success. Make it a year of energized positivity, vibrational transformation, and a glowing renewal sweet souls!?
In Light and Love,?