?Hello My Beautiful Souls, It has been awhile since I’ve shared written words to you. Life continues to bring me illnesses that keep me from the joy I find in writing to you. My apologies.
✨I want to bring hope, joy and light to the new month of November as it is a time of gratitude for what we have. When we focus on the blessings in our life instead of what we wish we had, we bring an abundance of good will from others because light captures light and magnifies it tenfold.
?Life shapes us by the people we surround ourselves with. We should see who is next to us and discern if they lift us higher or bring chaos and indifference to our days. Healthy boundaries ensures those we let into our circles help us aspire to our full potential and fulfill our dreams.
?Self-Love is the best gift of all during the holidays. It warrants our focus because what we focus on is where we invest our time and energy.
⏰YOU are worthy of being a priority when you invest your valued time, money, and energy into ensuring your happiness. This means you honor yourself daily, are aware of who you let in and out of your circle of family and friends, who you trust, the time you devote to yourself for fitness, meditation, girl or boy time, and just lazy time.
?How you choose to spend your time alone is yours for the taking. YOU carry the power, self-confidence, the light, the joy, courage, and the brilliance. The stardust on your face, the feathers in your hair, petals in your pockets and the cosmos as your cape. Your super powers are abundant and they shine brighter than the northern stars?. Always believe in you!
?Happy Holidays my sweet souls..
In Light and Love, Kimberly xo
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
❤️?For those who have been abused and traumatized during childhood by covert narcissistic parents, the implications of having a bright future are not so bright and shiny. A mother and father’s toxic narcissism toward their children leave scars, betrayal, emptiness, shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness.
?The good news is that children never deserve abuse by their parents regardless of their behavior. Parents choose how they want to discipline their children, and many choose to do so through abusive tactics. The bad news is that because of abuse and neglect, brain development in children have been suppressed during its most rapid time of development.[1] Consequently, as children mature to adulthood from abusive households, the brain centers for emotions and impulses and self-aware thinking become imbalanced. This may lead to mental health issues later in life for these adult children.
?Choosing to heal and recover from trauma and abuse as adults is significant, especially if your parents were covert narcissists. There are key factors that make it challenging for adults from childhood abuse and neglect to overcome. It can be done but you must choose to live a life of abundance to do so. Let’s get started!
CLOSURE
To have closure as an adult, toxic and narcissistic parents need to be held accountable for their abusive actions toward you as a child. It is critical you face the people who committed the crime against you and objectively share with them what toxic behaviors they did to you and how that made you feel. Also, discuss how abuse impacted your adult brain and how it shaped your life. Releasing the horror, guilt, and shame from those who harmed you is part of the process for having closure.
One of the biggest crimes today is that adult children have never had the opportunity to confront their parents about their abusive behavior. Parents are responsible for how they treated you and do not get a free pass no matter what kind of traumatic childhood they endured. NO ONE gets a free pass for being abusive, ever.
Our parents had every opportunity to get therapy as they got older, heal their inner child, and love themselves first just like we do. It’s a choice. There is no excuse or justification for abuse or toxic behavior. None. Removing our egos to choose healing of our inner soul is hard work. Choosing to free ourselves from ourselves is transformational and the rewards are unimaginable.
Parental abusive patterns continue in America today. There are 7.9 million reported cases of child maltreatment nationally by the American Child Maltreatment Center.[2] 9.4% of children abused in their household have been maltreated by one or both of the parents. And, children from abused and neglected homes are 9 times more likely to be involved in criminal activity. As of 2018, they are collecting data for sex trafficking.
FEAR
The sad reality is that many of the walking wounded adults have enabled their parents’ abusive behavior out of fear. As children, our parents were supposed to protect us from bad people whose intention was to abuse us. But when our parents became the abusers, there was no one to trust or depend on for help. Instead, our neurobiological systems learned how to protect, care, and survive through our sufferings.
Fear is paralyzing. It keeps us stuck where we are. It closes our minds to opportunities, positivity, light, and love. It is important to learn new strategies to release the fear, anxiety, and panic so we can move forward from the prison we have placed ourselves in out of shame, guilt and blame. We deserve to be treated with dignity, love, and respect. But how do we get there?
Leaving your victim mentality at the door is crucial when accepting a new mindset for healing and recovery. It’s a choice. Forgiveness does not free your parents from their abusive actions toward you. It only frees you to move forward to live joyously in the present. We’ll talk more on this later. 🙂
COVERT NARCISSISTS
Covert narcissists are manipulative, controlling, self-serving, dishonest, and gas lighting individuals. Their only interest is in making themselves look good by making you look bad. They are a master of disguise and deceit. They are calculated, intelligent, deceiving, and egregious psychopaths, known as a personality disorder in the DSM V. They enjoy playing the victim role. Do not be fooled! They will demean you in front of others, make elusive and condescending insults, ignore you, and undermine you.
Narcissists are secretive, passive-aggressive, and coercive. They will twist their words to make you believe you are the crazy one and will embellish what you say to make it sound like you are overly hypersensitive and erratic. They are emotionally unavailable leaving you feeling empty and futile. They are never satisfied, a perfectionist, and lack self-confidence and self-esteem in their personal relationships. Once they have you, they will slowly smash you and move on to their next target. Their words are as empty as air.
Trying to become unraveled from the entanglement of years of mental and emotional abuse in a narcissist’s spider web of lies and twisted psychoses will take years of therapeutic mental anguish and heartache. The best way of avoiding narcissists is removing yourself from their presence. In this way they have no control over you and cannot hurt you emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. Never give your power away to a narcissist. Run when you have the chance.
TRAUMA
Learning h
ow to love yourself first to heal the child within from someone who knows trauma first hand is not in the DSM-V of Mental Disorders Handbook for treating patients. There’s no step-by-step process that works for each person because it’s embedded in the neurobiological system of our bodies, brain cells, and memories of every fiber of our being. Trauma wreaks havoc when triggers are pushed, PTSD becomes aroused, anxiety is stimulated, panic attacks become engaged and the fight-flight-freeze mode is alerted.
There are Five Stages for Healing and Recovery, much like grief, for those who have suffered trauma, or at the hands of narcissistic and toxic parents. People who have been through trauma and abuse are closed to those who try to communicate with them. They hold back because of what has been done to them by no fault of their own. They need a safe zone for releasing the pain, the anger, the suffering, and the darkness. They need a path for their brokenness, one that is healthy, structured, compassionate, and kind. And one that offers a life of peace, tranquilly, and well-being.
THE FIVE STAGES OF HEALING AND RECOVERY
The Five Stages for Healing and Recovery represented in my book, Dying to Live, A Memoir: Choosing to Thrive After Trauma and Abuse, offers a mind shift of optimism so that opportunities for purpose, forgiveness, peace, and joy will ultimately return. The five stages will shift your life from one that survives into one that thrives by a toolbox of mindful, emotional, physical, and spiritual strategies. They will transform your past life into a life of glow.
Only by choosing to heal your soul and inner child will you find the peace you desire. Transformation comes through surrendering your old ways of thinking by allowing a new mindset of inspiration to nourish its ways of knowing. May the truth set you free…
Stage One: Surviving to Thriving
Pragmatic strategies are used to release the prison mentality of oppression, dominance, shame and guilt. Finding your light through simple practices of mindfulness, fitness, nutrition, and sleep releases negativity and replaces it with positivity, optimism, and glow.
Stage Two: Learning to Love Yourself First
Through simple acts of kindness, you discover who you are, what you stand for, and how to honor yourself as a daily practice. You learn how to apply self-love through a mind shift of self-care, worthiness, healthy boundaries, trust, personal standards, and forgiveness.
Stage Three: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is grace and humility in unity. Grace brings mercy to the one who betrayed you, while humility offers a subservient humbleness of compassion, empathy, and love. When you forgive, it brings your divine spirit a wholeness, light, and freedom. By choosing to forgive your persecutor and yourself of the past, you are released to live joyously in the present.
Stage Four: Healthy Boundaries
By setting healthy boundaries, you learn who to let in and out of your circle. Those individuals who care about you will inspire you to aspire to your full potential. This is where you learn how to trust yourself and others again.
Stage Five: The Magic Zone
You won’t see it until you believe it! You have arrived at the apex of your transformation where anything is possible. The magic zone is the place where you dare to dream, learn, and expose your deepest fears to create a new life you alone choose to live. It is a place of higher consciousness. You are ready to soar to greater heights where the possibilities are endless. Your dreams and imaginations can come true if only you believe in YOU!
I want to encourage and support those who have suffered trauma and abuse by offering you a pathway to manifest tools to help unleash the power within. You alone can shape your survival and voice to overcome the self-destructive stigma of victimization. You realize you have finally arrived to thrive in this sacred place of glow. The resiliency of the human spirit becomes your compass and light source. Let it shine on!
?More details about healing and recovery are in Part II of my book. I am excited to share so much more with you!. Also, please visit my blogs. If you need to share conversation or are feeling lonely, please contact me on my contact form. Namaste’.
In Love and Light?, Kimberly xo
letyourlightshineon.org
FOOTNOTES
[1] https://www.verywellmind.com/childhood-abuse-changes-the-brain-2330401
[2] https://americanspcc.org/child-abuse-statistics/
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