?Good afternoon my Starlights!? I hope my tribe had an incredible Independence Day! My deepest gratitude is that it was filled with friends, family, and loved ones to celebrate and honor our military heroes for sacrificing themselves so America can be free…??
♨️Usually, we gather for events such as BBQs, activities, music festivals, and water fun competitions.? Yet, maybe you chose to be more quiet and intimate with your time together, which is also delightful…?
?My thoughts today go out to those of you who struggle with hostility, anger, and emotional outbursts. The reason I share this topic is because most people are unaware how staggering it is among children and adults whom have been through betrayal, exploitation, violence, and suffer from PTSD. I know from experience how anger can be revealed in the most unlikely circumstances and the honesty that sheds its ugly head may rise with it, especially if alcohol is involved. Betrayal is big in my book. So many people, men and women in my life have betrayed me. Childhood abuse, assault, betrayal, and lies begin to pile up inside of you to where you lose sight of truth, trust, love, and safety, and instead hold on to guilt, shame, unworthiness, loneliness, fear, and confusion. And, then depression sets in to press us down even further as if suffocating the very life out of our souls. For this reason, we can become stuck in our anger cycle, whereby our response to all stress becomes voiced with rage and hostility for survival. Triggers escalate the brain to respond as if you were under assault a second time around.
?Anger is a survival mechanism closely linked with PTSD, because it arises as a protector instinct with our fight or flight auto pilot our bodies alert us to in times of danger. When you have been made to suffer as a victim, due to no fault of your own, your response is anger, rage, and hostility. No one can fault you for that. But who you inflict your rage onto later and for how long can become a problem for you, your family, friends, and society. If you were a victim of childhood trauma and betrayal, the emotional shock alone from the experience may have held you back with repressed memories, learning through others survival coping skills. Yet, in time, as you get older the repressed anger will come out eventually as emotional outbursts and rage, especially when triggers are switched on, when you least expect it. Anyone can flip your trigger and your bark may be worse than your bite, yet, the person receiving it will not comprehend why or where it came from.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder anger has been categorized into three key structures. They can actually lead a person with PTSD to have an episodic anger breakdown even though there is no conceived danger to warrant it.
Arousal—The body is linked to certain reactions of the body. Most areas connected are to emotion and survival, which are the heart, the glands, circulation and the brain. Also, the muscles tend to become tense with anger. Thus, if one has PTSD, a higher level of tension and arousal become the norm, which means you are more intense with emotional and physical feelings.
Behavior—As learned early in life, the best way to handle threat was to protect oneself aggressively. Many individuals become stuck in this pattern of behavior even though they are no longer being threatened. Thus, they may act before they think.
Aggressive behaviors may include complaining, backstabbing, passive/aggressiveness, being late, self-blame or self-injury. There are quite a number of individuals with PTSD who only use aggressiveness to threat. They are unable to respond with positivity.
Thoughts and Beliefs—Most people can understand and make sense of their circumstances. Unfortunately, those of us having lived through trauma and with PTSD still believe there is threat all around us, even though it may not be true. This may be conscious or unconscious thought patterns. One example of this would be, many men at war who come back want their wives and family to follow their rules explicitly thinking this will keep the family from the dangers of war. How many of you might feel threatened today by certain places or people?
Most individuals whom have been through trauma are more likely to want to control their surroundings. This obviously will lead others to believe you are inflexible and may provoke others to become hostile towards you. This, in turn, feeds into your beliefs about not trusting other people.
?As many of you know, even with trauma, I have tried most of my life to control my surroundings by being independent, getting a good education by paying for it myself, finding my voice, becoming an advocate for women and social justice, and believing that it only takes one person to make change in the world. I got so tired of men silencing me from speaking the truth about what is right, I had to show them instead. We are a culture of misinformed habits. We accept what people say instead of researching it ourselves to find the truth and fighting for social justice. I, for one, still don’t trust anyone because I am still lied to. There are many good people in the world, yet there are also many bad people. It is important to be cautious, educated, researched, confident, and believe in yourself, because sometimes you must stand alone.
?Anger is caustic. It will eat you up inside out. I didn’t know how much anger I had in me until one day a person betrayed me and it all came pouring out like a volcano eruption. When the lava pours, it doesn’t stop for anything. It just burns everything in its path. That is what rage does if you keep it bottled inside of you. When I used to do fitness every day, it was my anger score card of release. Yet, having been through so much physical trauma, it’s not as easy for me now. I keep trying and my body keeps rejecting my efforts. Lol! That’s ok. I dig deeper and so can you. If you need to let out steam, please try writing it down, go for a walk, jog, cycle, or swim. Try talking with a friend, therapist, and/or life coach. Also, think before you respond. If you must, sit down right where you are; breathe. Let it go.? Get up and walk away. If someone brings you that much pain and anger, find someone else who lifts you up and brings you joy instead.?
?Some of you may know, I still am still editing my memoir. That is why I haven’t been writing to you Starlights as much. I apologize, yet this is my time to shine toward publishing. I keep tapping at my word doc until it is ready to send back to another editor for one more round of eyes.? Just know, I am thinking of you all, and sending you blessings of light, love, and joy. If you need someone to talk to or just listen, please contact me. You are never alone. Always, expect something wonderful to happen…? And, it will!?
In Light and Love,?
#anger #PTSD #childhood abuse #abuse #trauma