My Sweet Souls,
Happy FebYOUary Love Bubbles! It’s YOUR year to rise higher, stronger, further, and more courageous than ever before! YOU are in control of what the outcome is for 2023! The choices you make will change the present and future of your life. Your mindset will become your reality. It takes the same amount of energy to channel positive or negative energy. YOU choose what and how you channel that energy, the footprint you leave behind, the people you sustain or exhaust by your agenda, and how your journey will unfold. YOU are the only one holding you back from achieving your goals. Believing in the possibilities is believing in YOU! YOU have the power to achieve dreams come true! HAPPY NEW YOU!
✨Grab a fresh pot of joy, marinate in its glimmers of shine. Add a stiff shot of gratitude, a twinkle of faith, let go, let God. Discover your destiny of grace…
?️As you continue to breathe in joy and exhale fear for the YOU Year, your journey forward is more open to opportunities, fresh beginnings, new friendships, and wider boundaries. Healing is not for the faint of heart. It requires significant reflection to process what has been done ‘to’ you.
Comprehending the consequences of trauma, pain, and suffering experienced over time is confronting the persecution or persecutors and forgiving them and yourself of the years of torment and repressed suffering. Releasing yourself from the prison of shame, blame, and guilt is not always completed through transformation. There may still be leftovers that need tenderness, forgiveness, and care. Letting go will happen at the ‘right’ time. You will know when to move on.
As you rise, you may be imploded with past emotional grief, loss, and emptiness. You are reminded that those you assumed were friends rejected your truth because it didn’t align with theirs. You realize, sadly, perspective is only as good as someone’s experience of “walking in your shoes.”
Your closest of friends may have become judgmental of you and showed signs of being self-righteous. They told “your” story to people you knew without your consent. And worse, they weren’t even there when your suffering occurred. Yet, somehow they believed they had all the ‘facts’ you didn’t. You are blind sighted by their egoistic response and wondered how YOU could have been so blind to have brought them into your circle.
You’ve overcome many tragedies, traumas, abuse, and lies over the years. So many lies. People in your life, whether professionally or personally, lied to you to look good for family and community. It’s an art to lead a double life. As covert operatives, the secrets kept are weapons mastered to protect the masks they wear. Gaslighting twists the truth so the people in their lives begin to self-doubt and second guess themselves. You begin to think you’re inept intellectually, stupid, and going crazy. You are NOT!
Manipulation and control weave a web of powerful entanglements. The convoluted and delusional behaviors these operatives reflect in the home become a game, and fear takes on an entire new meaning. Narcissistic people like to control the outcome of everything and have a plan for execution. If you are in their way for accomplishing their plan of action, you will be a target of their heinous behaviors until you are removed, silenced, or you leave their parameters of reach. Beware of Prince or Princess Harming. If it’s too good to be true, it usually is.
As time passes, you begin to realize with clarity that people are fearful of showing their true colors to the world, not because of anything you have done, but because of their lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love.
Once you’ve dealt with narcissists, even those on a sliding scale, you will realize their tactics are in direct correlation to an emotional reactive outburst. Don’t give them one. Ignore their demeanor, pack your bags, and RUN!!
Move on to a healthier, holistic path. This type of entanglement will have undermined your sanity, sucked the life out of you, engorged your neruobiological system with depression, self-doubt, low self-esteem and zero self-confidence. The entire encounter has been toxic to your mind, body and soul. EXHALE and HEAL!
When you realize how vulnerable you have become, limit your connections to only a few kindred spirits. Trust of self must be reestablished and boundaries are smaller than a box of dark chocolates.
Many people will be unable to care about you or deal with your “issues” because they have their own extended battles to fight and have no light to give. Some people don’t understand your fight or don’t want to become a member of your tribe. That’s fine. You’ve been battling your own fights like a warrior since childhood. YOU are stronger than you think, wiser than YOU know, and will continue to Rise higher when your knees hit the ground.YOU are a Thriver!
✨YOU have stardust on your face, petals in your pocket, feathers in your hair, and the cosmos as your cape. YOU know whose got your back. YOU wear His crown of jewels. YOU are His daughter. YOU rise with grace, straighten His crown, and keep strutting onward. YOU think no one is coming. But HE carries you when the load is too great to bear. YOU will not only survive. YOU WILL THRIVE!?
Your resiliency rests on the God spark within; a flame of brilliance that has been hibernating while healing. Tapping into its superpowers is like a warm glow that rises to let you know how amazingly magnificent you are! And YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! BELIEVE IT!
Your heart feels the warmth of its flame. The emotional trauma, once felt, begins to melt as you realize how fundamental these feelings are for strength, power, positivity, and light. Your healing begins when you believe that you are worthy to become whatever masterpiece God has for your life. The power of your mind becomes your reality. Make it fabulous!
The resiliency of the human spirit will rise sending powerful spiritual energy signals to the anatomy of the spirits within. As they are stimulated, they keep the body miraculously aligned physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. God has made you in His image. He is the Creator, the Healer, and the Source of all that is and will be.
“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” ~Psalm 37:4-5
SELF-LOVE AND DEPRESSION
Loving ourselves through hardships is not inherent. We were not given an instruction booklet on how to love ourselves first or practice self-love when trauma to ourselves occurred, or loss and trauma with family or friends happened. Many times we go inward wanting to protect ourselves from others and process the pain. We place high walls around us and push others away thinking this will simplify our healing process. Our brains tend to go offline during traumatic events. Our emotions plummet due to triggers from the impact of the trauma. Depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) may be a result of these tragedies.
There is new evidence to suggest Serotonin is not the chemical in the brain that causes depression. “Published in Molecular Psychiatry, , the findings come after decades of scrutinizing existing meta-analyses and systematic reviews. Researchers suggest that depression is not likely caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and challenge the role of antidepressants as the first line of treatment.”(Evidence is in Depression Probably Isn’t Linked to Serotonin Levels)
It is currently suggested by research that depression is not a biological state of the brain but an emotional reaction of different circumstances that happened through past experiences, loss, trauma, and circumstances beyond our control. Those conditions such as divorce, death, domestic violence, sexual abuse, unemployment, natural disasters, disability, intimate partner violence, rape, child abuse, etc. are events that make people more susceptible to depression. This is considered more of a “human condition” instead of a “medical condition” now. It doesn’t mean the brain isn’t involved in the mood swings, because it is. But the brain is still a mystery for the origin of how it is involved in depression.
With that said, do not stop taking your medications without talking to your doctor first. Even though researchers are trying to learn more about how depression is caused and what can be appropriate treatments to handle the downfall of one’s emotions to lose interest in life, hobbies, getting out of bed, participating in activities, and seeing friends, there are still benefits in the medications you take. Please act with caution as more research is done to learn how depression is linked to the brain and the underpinnings of its new treatment.
TRAUMA AND ITS EFFECT ON THE BRAIN
Many who have experienced trauma, loss, and abuse have also experienced Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, panic attacks, and fear. People whom you have loved and cared about may have been the ones who abused you, betrayed you, or were lost to you by tragedy. When we are in trauma, our brains have a way of protecting themselves by shutting down to divert all its resources for flight, fight, or freeze mode until the threat is averted. This applies to war zones, natural disasters, and abusive relationships as well.
To cope, the brain may dissociate when danger is present to detach from reality. It may appear as if the brain is functioning on auto-pilot. The brain will enter into a “trance” state-of-mind to withdraw from any traumatic distress. It can also be a sign of chronic depression. Dissociation will slowly erode away at relationships and the cognitive abilities to perform at work. These signs are not seen as life-threatening or harmful, but challenging for the person encountering them daily while in reality.
Severe trauma can fragment our sense of self. Our roles for coping start to separate for protection. Coping skills from past trauma and experiences can be triggered to render a high escalation of dissociative symptoms. When dissociating, we lose sense of time. The brain self-sabotages, contradicts, can’t make executive decisions, and is in inner turmoil over the two roles against each other. Being treated with a skilled medical professional who has established techniques that can coach individuals to physically and mentally reconnect their world to reality is key.
These traumatic experiences lead us back to how we see ourselves daily. We are riddled with social media, magazines, films, art, etc., about how we should look and the image we should portray to the world. We are also informed what we should say, how we should say it, and what is politically correct.
Perception we are told is everything. Don’t be too aggressive, too assertive, or too outspoken. Regardless of what is verbalized, there is always someone out there who won’t like us because of our race, gender, sexual orientation, body proportions, sassiness, hair color, face lift, tummy tuck, athleticism, nerdiness, disabilities, financial status, or whatever it is that is different from them.
I say to be YOU regardless of the masses. YOU stand on principles and stand alone if need be because those who stand for nothing fall for anything. YOU are fabulous in your own skin! Don’t let others influence who you are. Be courageous in following your own path. Don’t let the world turn you into a copy cat! Stand out with your brilliant magnificence!
We all have biases when we perceive others. No one looks like anyone else. Even our fingerprints are genetically and environmentally structured as multifactorial inheritance. They are made through a biological process within the womb around the 10th week of pregnancy. We are truly unique except for the color of our blood.
The gifts and talents we bring to the world are ours to share. These personal labor of loves are how we stand out to the world with fire, brilliance, and magnificence! Never play small when you were born to be a vessel for His power and a canvas for His grace.
We can’t be exclusive in a society that tells us who we should be when we lean in for self-love, trust, healthy boundaries, and worthiness. Society is made up of individuals like you and I and we have the power to change the rules if they don’t model what is inherent in being treated with dignity and respect. We are anxious enough searching for who we are and where we “fit in” without having to comprehend a society that accepts fake resumes, fake profiles, fake lives to keep up with the Jones’ and pray we keep the waters calm so no one notices our flaws. Don’t even believe this! This is NOT who WE are! We are brave, courageous, warriors of brilliance! And WE MAKE WAVES!!
It’s challenging to stand out and be unique, special, and transparent when the role models we look for in society don’t always reflect the character traits we value such as: respect, dignity, integrity, trust, humility, listening, patience, generosity, service, forgiveness, communication, ethics, compassion, and love. There is no such thing as “normal” except for the dial on the washing machine. And if you do say something on social media that negatively “triggers” someone, beware because gun control is almost non-existent if you anger the wrong person with one.
We are all flawed individuals, yet we tend to blame others for our problems rather than confront the issues in our own lives. Or we hide our demons within the sanctions of our church so we can avoid dealing with them. We can’t heal until we confront our repressed dark feelings that haunt us from the past. Some of us choose to lie about who we are than face reality and dig deep to overcome the scars, pain, and blame.
Pathological lying is a reality made of lies. Those who are pathological liars tend to have low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and a fear of being abandoned. Lying, is not a borderline personality disorder (BPD). However, “like other signs and symptoms of the condition, it tends to occur because the person with BPD is unable to regulate their feelings and impulses. It’s an act born out of pain and fear. Often, people with BPD even believe their own lies.” Treatment is very difficult for them. Usually they don’t want to engage in therapy because they don’t want to change their methods of reality.
Untangling a lifestyle with past baggage is a choice. We must choose to move forward to be in the glow and transform our lives for the better. We will be stuck where we are in our journey until we choose to work through past traumas, abuse, bitterness, hate, etc. with honesty and courage. A therapist or coach with expertise in treating trauma can offer guided healing and treatment. This is not an easy journey but a necessary one if we want freedom from the burdens that keep us prisoners mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
The Good News: Self-Love unveils who we are, as we are, where we are and shines through those ugly cracks we dislike so much about ourselves. We learn how to honor and value ourselves, our well-being, and create joy in our soul. We know we have flaws, yet we accept them and forgive ourselves and our persecutors so we can live joyously in the present. We nurture ourselves back to the light to heal, recover, and untangle from the toxic environments we entered and left.
It is OUR TIME to love ourselves completely. We are in control! Even with mental health issues, we are lovable, brilliant, beautiful people! We must live like it! We wear His crown of glory! What’s not to like?!!
SELF-LOVE WARM FUZZIES
Protection: When practicing self-love, protect yourself from those individuals who thrive on your pain, loss, and despair. Time is of the essence to make time for YOU! Remove toxic people from your life who suck your joy and bring you down. Set healthy boundaries so you have more time to for self-care, positivity activities, and mindfulness. YOU deserve happiness above all!
Focus on Need: List what you need instead of what you want. Focus on those needs and clarify how you will meet them. Make an action plan to develop small building blocks in how you will accomplish those needs for success. Be gentle, loving, and caring as if your were planning them for a dear friend. Honor yourself as you seek to fill your soul with joy.
Deal Breakers: Stress and frustrations can bury you in depression. Anything out of your control is a deal breaker. Anxiety and panic can easily take over your sense of control and paralyze you. Learn to cut the stress out of your life with simple solutions. Choose exercise, deep sleep, nutrition, short breaks, and mindfulness to ensure you meet your body’s needs to stay healthy, alert, holistic, and well nourished. Nurture strong and healthy kindred spirits who lift you up and are there for you in good and bad times. Connections are the spice of life!
Non-judgmental: In order to love ourselves first, we must be willing to set aside our victim mentality from the trauma and abuse we experienced and release our judgement of ourselves. We are no longer imprisoned by the lies we have been told or what we told ourselves in order to stay small. WE are larger than life! The truth is within us and WE are truth.
Dig deep to reveal the God spark of our brilliance and superpowers that shine like the heavens above. Releasing negative Self-Talk is part of the journey. Loving ourselves completely, with flaws, skeletons, baggage, and darkness, without judgement, is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. The release is unquestionably the most breathtaking journey ever! Self-love gives you the freedom to be YOU! It’s accepting yourself and all your perfect imperfections and loving yourself despite them.
Therapy: Being open to seeking out a therapist to talk with about past experiences and trauma is choosing to be open and honest about our mental health, sleep disorders, PTSD, and nightmares. We are all dealing with battles from the past and present that may contribute to our self-doubt, frustrations, and anxiety. Therapists may help bring clarity to why we have anger issues, depression, or panic attacks. Yet, they may guide us through our journey in finding the answers to our questions.
The stereotyping of therapists, coaches, psychologists, etc. when patients visit have become a shadow with increased mental health problems from the pandemic and the increase in gun violence in America. It’s healthy to have experts on our side to assist in guiding us to effective solutions to our distress so we can be successful personally and professionally.
Honoring Yourself: YOU are Worthy! YOU are Enough! By transforming your mindset to one of self-love you give yourself permission to shine your brilliance to the world…✨ The God spark within is your superpowers! What is there to fear but fear itself?! You wear HIS crown of jewels. There is nothing you can’t accomplish! The only person holding you back is YOU! Be glorified in His Light and His gifts to YOU! Live the life you were meant to live because Baby, the Sun is coming for YOU. Shine On!??
Self-love assists you in trusting yourself and your instincts to set standards in how people treat you. How you treat yourself aligns with those high standards. Ensure others rise to those standards instead of lowering yours. Removing toxic people from your circle is important. You want to surround yourself with individuals who you trust, support you, and lift you higher to aspire to your dreams. Your dreams are a priority because they will create your reality. That is how powerful your mind and thoughts are to YOU. Think with optimism always! Your life depends on it!
Saying “no” to commitments is saying “yes” to yourself when your time is sacred and slim is learning to trust yourself again. Setting healthy boundaries is ensuring you have time for self-care to reboot, re-nourish, and renew your mental health, physical health, and spiritual divinity.
Be Mindful: With self-love we change our perspective to one of gentleness, kindness, patience, and compassion. This is how we treat ourselves. We are thoughtful and choose our words accordingly with positive self-talk. In doing so, we redirect the flow in how we see and love ourselves as interconnected. Mindfulness offers us ways to learn about ourselves, our feelings, what we want, don’t want, and what will make us happy. This is critical knowledge for us so we can better understand how our minds, body, and spirit work together to keep us in harmony.
“In order to build a healthy, lasting, relationship, you must love yourself first…just as you are. And this sort of self-acceptance can only happen when you deal with the traumas of the past. So often, when we’re honest with ourselves, we realize we’ve fallen into a vicious cycle of thinking we are unworthy of a healthy relationship because of what we endured during past trauma. This leads us to sabotage that which we want so desperately—we create a self-fulfilling prophecy, trying to hide the shame of our past in a way that destroys the relationship we’re working to build. It’s a devastating cycle…but one that can be broken.” (Learning to Love Yourself: The Importance of Healing from Past Trauma)
Forgiveness: Healing from traumatic experiences is found through forgiveness. The toxins we spewed out inadvertently during and after our trauma damaged relationships and those closest to us. We may have hurt the ones we loved. In the midst of our suffering, we also became broken and lost. Our hearts ached out of pain, blame, guilt, and shame. There was no love. No one came. No one cared. Our abused mindsets, had lost their sense of self, self-worth, self-esteem, and were unable to heal. Our world as we knew it had vanished.
There is a God spark deep within our souls. By digging deep we can learn how to put the broken pieces of our souls back together. His light can bring sanity to our out-of-control lives. How do WE reclaim our lives when they’ve been taken from us? Who can fill the holes in our hearts once they have been ripped out of us? In truth, only we can, if we choose to…
Forgiveness is grace and humility in unity. Grace brings mercy to those who betrayed us, while humility offers subservient humbleness, where our spirits reflect compassion, empathy, and love.
When we truly forgive, our divine spirits transform into wholeness, light, and freedom. Forgiving our persecutors is equally important as forgiving ourselves of the past, so we can live joyously in the present!
“Self-hatred is only ever a seed planted from the outside in.”
“The adult survivor therefore must contend with a brain that is still functioning through the lens of survival, and continuing to meet life and all of its challenges and burdens with the limited scope of survival strategies, avoidance, and fear of connection to others, overwhelmed by a nervous system caught in fight-flight mode, and trying to make sense of a patchwork of years of trauma. The healing journey for complex trauma is not an easy one. Finding the right trauma-informed therapist or mentor can help, and having trustworthy friends or loved ones to reach out to that can hold the space for you and love you through difficult times is also essential, and as you heal and integrate you can begin to do this work led by your heart, awareness, compassion, and love for yourself.” (CPTSD)
My beautiful souls, as you connect with others and rise with glow during this year of YOU, take inventory of your life with grace. Start over if your journey beckons you to. You are so deserving of living a life of glow in the Magic Zone, where anything and everything is possible if only you believe in YOU! Lean in, create space, and love yourself from inside out. It is the Greatest Secret in the world and the Greatest Love you will ever find because it comes from above…✨
If you need someone to talk to or assist you in walking through the storm, please contact me on my form. If you or a loved one are struggling with PTSD, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 for information on support and treatment facilities in your area.
Wishing Everybodeee a Fabulous FebYOUary!! Believe in YOU. May all your dreams come true!
In Love and Light,
Dr. Kimberly Lees
- 10 Ways to Heal from Trauma
- 10 Ways to Practice Self-Care ad Self-Love Every Day
- Courage, Self-Love, and Complex Trauma, CPTSD
- Learning to Love Yourself: The Importance of Healing From Past Trauma
- Link Between Borderline Personality and Lying
- Love Yourself
- Mental health, Trauma, Recovery has 7 Stages
- Post Trauma and the Brain
- Quote: CPTSD
- Self-Care vs Self-Love
- The Evidence is in: Depression Probably isn’t Linked to Serotonin Levels at All
- What are the Signs of Dissociation in a Loved One